( ENSPIRE She Did That ) Breadcrumb Dating Is The New Dating Phenomena That Leaves People With On and Off Again Exes
ENSPIRE Contributor: Devyn Petraglia
Tracy Crossley is a behavioral relationship expert and published author with her work focusing on getting through patterns of negative behavior associated with emotional attachment. People can be transformed through this process and start experiencing happy and healthier relationships. Tracy has also fallen prey to insecure attachment issues so, so she shares her experiences and humor with the rest of the world. She can relate to others who have been part of this dating phenomenon and provide them the advice they need to get through their own heartbreak. Tracy has her BA and Masters in Psychology and is working towards a Ph.D. Besides being a published author, she is also a podcast host where she specializes in treating individuals with unhealthy life and relationship patterns.
She helps people overcome insecure attachment, negativity, narcissism damage, destructive talk, and much more. Through her podcast and “Overcoming Insecure Attachment” book, she offers listeners new perspectives into breaking the unhealthy cycles of narcissism and clearing their emotional baggage once and for all. Tracy offers digital courses, group coaching, and one-on-one coaching to further help her clients. There is also a test on her website where you can find out if you’re emotionally attached or not which can help a lot of clients understand the full extent of their relationship or themselves. It provides clarity to clients who desperately need to break this vicious cycle of an on and off again ex.
ENSPIRE spoke with Tracy Crossley about her book, podcast, and her advice on breadcrumb dating.
How did you get involved with this line of work?
Fourteen years ago, I was laid off from my six-figure job. I had anxiety all the time about everything. I freaked out at being unemployed. Especially about finances, being a parent, and love. I always had a flailing relationship going on or was perennially single. During that time, I had a relationship (or more of a situation-ship). I was an avid self-help book reader. I came across the book Calling In The One. It had me actually leave one bad relationship for another. I was drowning in panic attacks, low self-esteem, and was very attached to a fantasy.
To “resolve” my latest love situation, I booked an appointment with the book’s author. I was broke but scraped together $300 to have a session with her. I was hoping she could save me from myself. I met her business partner when I visited the author; she offered me a bit of work to do. I jumped in because I loved the book and it gave me something positive to focus on as I looked for a job. Fate interrupted my search when they offered to train me as a coach. My response was, “Thank you, but no thank you.” I had no interest in it—how would I make money and handle the anxiety of not being available in case the guy called at the last minute? Eventually, after a lot of prodding, I agreed to train to be a coach.
Can you tell us your journey from when you started until now?
I went to school to be a fashion designer but never became one. I was an entrepreneur from a young age and would sell popcorn balls and cookies to neighborhood kids. As an adult, I owned my own businesses, intermingled with years spent working in corporate America. I became a single parent when my kids were young and during that time I would struggle with finding happiness in the work I did. I would achieve success at something, feel unfulfilled by it, and become easily bored.
Over the years, I would find myself in a pickle. I worked for a lot of companies that were bought or went under. I worked for myself and was always searching for more. At one point, I had a successful graphic design marketing company and, through one of my marketing letters, ended up meeting the CEO of a major animation company. I made a huge error in judgment and shut down my business in favor of working for this animation company. Again, I was living in the fantasy of what I wanted it to be rather than the reality of what was actually happening. As I progressed, I eventually ended up back in corporate. In 2008, I was a VP/GM at a global advertising agency. I was laid off, and this was when my journey met up with learning to be a coach. Unfortunately, as I was unemployed—it took a while to make money as a coach. I lost everything that mattered to me including my house and my delusional relationship. However, when I was coaching those people for an hour a week, I was in focus. I was right there with them.
I brought what I learned to my coaching. I knew when people showed up with anxiety, like over a recent breakup with someone they were still hooked on as I had been—I could help them.
And here I am today. I have helped thousands of people break their dysfunctional love life cycles.
Do you have a success story and challenging story about a client you helped? If so, please elaborate.
I have several people who were broken up with by someone they were still attached to and could not get over. These relationships gave them anxiety and were dysfunctional, but emotionally they could not walk away. Most times, I worked with my clients to break patterns of behavior permanently, so they could have a sense of well-being, happiness, and choose better in love. Almost every one of them is married or in a serious relationship now.
Can you explain your book to us and what it is about?
I wrote the book to help people to move out of unhealthy patterns that affect their lives negatively. The book delves into areas of insecure attachment, the drama triangle, and other obstacles to emotional well-being. The solution to unhealthy relationships is to really take responsibility for your words and actions. I wanted to create a how-to guide for people, not just a book where they recognize their issues. The tools are written and actionable for people who want to feel good and have their relationships reflect it.
Can you share with us your podcast and how it helps your clients?
People feel like I reach into the part of their brain where complex emotions live and can spell out what they feel. I completely connect to their feelings and teach them through the podcast that they are not alone with their situations. I show them what they can actually do to help themselves.
What can clients gain from taking the emotional attachment assessment on your website? Where do they go from there?
They may have more insight into how they are in a relationship. The only drawback to such a quiz is that it may be hard to select the answer that defines what you actually do, rather than trying to figure out the right answer of what you should do. It is the challenge of any quiz, but in this one, if you take it to heart, you can actually learn more. From there, you can either join my free group or check out one of my programs. My programs give you the tools to get what you want in love and life and to seriously leave the dysfunction behind.
What steps can clients take to end these cycles of narcissism?
All humans are narcissistic on some level (or we would not be alive as a species). Only a small percentage of people are actually diagnosed as narcissists with narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). In short, a true narcissist will not change.
To end dysfunction, it’s a choice and most people have to first realize their propensity to act out patterns of behavior based on their beliefs. There needs to be a willingness to change their perception, and that is not a five-minute decision. It usually takes something falling apart for people to take steps to healthy relationships.
What are your goals for this down the road?
I have new short-term programs monthly, and a yearlong program on mastering your insecure attachment; so join my mailing list at tracycrossley.com! And I am writing book number two right now, which I am excited about.
Tracy Crossley is a fantastic role model for clients and can help so many people overcome this cycle of negativity. Especially in these times, we need to focus on more positives and have a relationship with someone who brings out the best in us. Since she’s had her own experiences with this same issue, she can give advice to others on how to overcome it. People can have faith in her and know that ending a vicious cycle with an on and off again ex is a good thing.
You can view her website here.
You can follow Tracy Crossley here:
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