( ENSPIRE Feature ) Married Couple of 30 ½ Years Advises Couples on How To Get Through Quarantining Together
ENSPIRE Contributor: Rufus and Jenny Triplett
Let’s all agree. The winner of quarantined life is honesty. Blatant, bold, true to the game honesty. But is it really though? Did keeping it all the way real with your partner make you happy?
Can we agree to never make these statements again, unless we really mean them?
- I wish we could spend more time together
- I wish we had more time to spend with the kids
- We always have the money but never the time
Time. Always. Never. Three words that COVID-19 brought a pause in which to reexamine. So where do you go from here? As the world begins to reopen and you have spent months with the person you thought you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, and now you’re thinking, oh hell no, I gotta bounce. We’re here to help you with some tips to get you through the process.
As a married couple of 30 ½ years, that half really counts, we educate and advise couples when they have gotten to the point of an impasse. One thing that we do is listen twice and speak once. When you listen, you hear all of the problems, which is normally the other’s person’s fault and never the fault of the person telling the story. In any case, most likely, both have faults. Get out of your head and stop thinking about all that your spouse has done. Think about how you contributed to the problem or never took steps to resolve it. When you’re busy and moving around it allows couples to skirt issues. When you are in the house together, day after day after day, those issues arise. Yes, you must deal with them, civilly. But when you can’t you need space. And when the world is closed you have nowhere to go. Now you’re frustrated.
Here’s what you can do:
- Say “I love you but I need space. Can we talk later?” What this does is give you time to get into a better mindset in order to deal with the issue. It also gives your spouse respect to acknowledge the time separation.
- Remember why you got married in the first place. Sometimes when you reflect on your beginnings it helps you to appreciate where you are and why you pledged forever.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff. If every little thing got on your nerves while on lockdown like…eating, breathing, talking on the phone, etc. Those are the little things. Be happy it’s not lying, cheating or abuse. Put things into perspective.
- Quit trying to change people. You married who you married. Those quirky little things your partner has just didn’t start during the quarantine. They already existed. You just noticed them more. You’ll forever be frustrated trying to get them to change.
- Seek help. Before you do lawyering, you should do counseling. Talk to someone. Both parties together should talk to someone. It works better with both people. Just saying.
Marriage is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. You can survive it. Don’t lose something good because you felt trapped. As soon as you get back to your regular routine again, that boxed in feeling will go away. But your marriage deserves the same effort you put towards your job. This is just a chapter. Work towards happily ever after.
Rufus and Jenny Triplett are best-selling authors, marriage lifestyle experts, podcast hosts and speakers that advise couples, and singles. You can find more information on their website – www.rufusandjennytriplett.com