( ENSPIRE She Did That ) Author and Relationship Coach Sahar Taylor is Changing Lives Through Her Intimate Memoir and Inclusive Community
ENSPIRE Contributor: Abigail Elcock
Sometimes, people feel trapped by societal norms and expectations. They may long for another lifestyle, yet they fear what loved others may think of them for it. That’s why Sahar Taylor is so passionate about encouraging people to live the love life they dream of. As a certified lifestyle relationship coach, Taylor invites individuals to explore the possibilities of what their relationships can look like.
But Sahar Taylor doesn’t only consult people on changing their relationships—she’s lived it. In her bold memoir, F*ck Monogamy: Sexual Freedom is the New Normal, Taylor expresses herself with vulnerability and raw honesty. For her, 20 years of trying to achieve the societal standard of monogamy wasn’t working. F*ck Monogamy shares Taylor’s journey to discover what kinds of relationships were right for her. Taylor advocates for relationships of all kinds and encourages people to be true to themselves.
ENSPIRE asked Sahar Taylor some pressing questions about her life and message:
You are a nurse by trade, but you are also an author, a media personality, a motivational speaker, and a certified lifestyle relationship coach. When you were younger, did you ever see yourself becoming the advocate for sexual freedom you are today? How has that journey been for you?
No, not at all. I was like most girls, searching for my Prince Charming to sweep me off my feet. But I found my prince was no prince, and he was more cunning than charming. When trying to understand why women seem to desire the opposite of what men desire, I pulled apart the social construct of monogamy. I discovered that the “ideal” relationship was created from fantasy not reality. Once I had a more realistic perspective, I could have relationships that were more sexually and emotionally satisfying.
In your memoir, F*ck Monogamy: Sexual Freedom is the New Normal, you share your personal experiences with the world. How did writing this book and sharing your story impact you?
When I wrote F*ck Monogamy, I not only wanted to share my story but also I wanted to utilize it as a tool for others to achieve sexual freedom. It was a sort of release for me. It took time for me to accept the reality of who I was: a bisexual woman who loved sex. I didn’t want to compromise who I was just to be in a relationship. So many people do that. I also did that, but one day I decided “no more.” Once I accepted who I was and lived in my truth, I found a kind of happiness I didn’t know existed. Writing this memoir allowed me to use my voice to help both men and women seek that kind of happiness within their relationships.
As you’ve shared your story, you’ve inspired others and created a following. What does your community mean to you?
I love my followers. My DMs are flooded with questions on how to talk to a partner about having threesomes and how to stop feeling insecure about losing a partner once you start sharing them. People are tired of “regular” relationships and are intrigued by the lifestyle. I love sharing my journey with them because it gives them a glimpse into a lifestyle culture that they wouldn’t know of otherwise.
As a sexually free, non-monogamous woman, you sometimes refer to yourself as a Unicorn. In fact, your Instagram handle is @dopeassunicorn! Why do you use the term Unicorn, and what does that mean to you?
A unicorn in the lifestyle is a single bisexual woman who enjoys having sex with couples. I have been a unicorn for five years and have had amazing experiences with some dope ass people. I’ve enjoyed the freedom of having multiple lovers without the attachments and restrictions. It has given me the chance to discover my own sexuality. If my relationship status were to ever change, I know I would be an amazing partner because I’m no longer selfish or controlling. I understand the value of freedom within a relationship and I learned that through my interactions as a unicorn.
How do people respond to your passion and message? Are there any misconceptions people have about it?
People love that I can express myself in the manner which I do. They love that I do the things they only imagine and they live vicariously through my experiences. But the lifestyle isn’t perfect. People still cheat and are dishonest. They get married and divorced. There are individuals who poison the well in any environment. The lifestyle is no exception. Every relationship takes work and important things like trust and respect must exist for them to last.
What is an experience you’ve had that affirmed that being a relationship coach was your passion and calling in life?
To be honest, I can’t say that being a relationship coach is my calling in life. I believe my calling is to spread knowledge and help free emotionally enslaved minds. After my open relationship ended, I felt I wasn’t fully prepared within it to know how to handle the obstacles that we faced. I prefer to speak openly and freely and sometimes when I’m coaching I can’t do that.
In the next few years, how do you see relationships changing?
As people become more indifferent about monogamy, they will seek ways to maintain their relationships with a different set of rules in order to be happy. I don’t think monogamy will ever go anywhere. The Cinderella story is a beautiful one, and so many people desire that life, particularly women. But I believe more women will be open to alternative relationships once they accept their own sexual natures. Women enjoy sex and many of them also want variety. However, they’re afraid of being themselves because they want to be chosen by men. Relationships will change once women start living their truth. Once that happens, more men will find it easier to be honest about what they truly want.
How can people connect with you to start their own journeys towards sexual freedom?
Sahar Taylor is a voice for anyone who participates in or desires to participate in non-monogamous relationships. Her passion and message remind us to challenge societal norms and be true to who we are. Through her writing, her coaching, and her leadership, Sahar Taylor will continue to advocate for the relational fulfillment and sexual freedom of people everywhere. Be sure to get your own copy of F*ck Monogamy: Sexual Freedom is the New Normal today!