Dr. Karen Advice Column: Why Must I Always Initiate Sex?


( ENSPIRE Advice Column – Dr. Karen ) Ask Dr. Karen Any Questions Pertaining To All Aspects Of Life

Doc Karen:

My partner and I have been together for six months. We have a great relationship. However, there is one thing that bothers me. I’m the one that always initiates sex. I’ve had this discussion with him many times and there has been no conclusion. Sex should be a two-way street. I don’t think this is normal. 

One Way

Dear One Way:

Sounds like you’re going through the “nice” but not the “naughty” in this sexual relationship. Most couples want to share this experience together. It’s good that you continue to express your wants and needs. There could be several reasons why he wants to be submissive. It is possible there is some sexual repression or feelings of guilt and shame stemming from some undesirable sexual experiences from childhood or even as an adult. Tiredness or low libido might be another issue. In this case, a doctor can address this issue. 

Dr. Karen January holding her book Lessons Mama Never Taught Me

Maybe being in control could be a turn-on for him. Try giving your partner specific instructions on what is pleasurable to you. The inability to compromise might have to be explored in therapy or with a trusted friend if you cannot find a happy medium between the sheets. 

Let me hear from you. Send your comments and letters to ask@drkayjay.com.

***Disclaimer The advice offered is not intended to replace or substitute for any professional, financial, medical, legal, or other professional consultation. Dr. Karen January and ENSPIRE Magazine are not responsible for the outcome or results following any advice provided in this column.

***Due to a large number of letters received, there is no guarantee that your letter will be published.

Dr. Karen January is experienced in Community Mental Health, Educational Counseling, and Educational Leadership. Her book “Lessons Mama Never Taught Me” profiles ten women and the hard-knock challenges with Aids, mental illness, domestic violence, and other social issues they experienced due to the lessons they missed growing up. They share their true stories candidly and the steps they took toward healing. It can be purchased on Amazon.com. Visit her website drkayjay.com!

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